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Zhara8
3 Posts

Hi, I am new to this and I am looking for others that may be going through cancer with a loved one. I have been in a relationship with my man for 4 years and have recently found out he has cancer. We are about to find out what treatments he will be doing. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it and feel like I can not speak to him about this. I am wondering what other peoples do in these situations. any help, any answer would be appreciated.
Thank you

12 Replies
Brighty
7483 Posts

Hi @Zhara8 I feel for you. I'm so sorry. II was also with my fiance for 4 years. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and it rocked both our worlds. Give him a huge hug and tell him you will always be there for him and when he is ready to talk about it,you are here. I would say to not pressure him to talk about if he doesn't feel up to it…he may need time to absorb it still. Find someone like a family member wwho you feel comfortable telling who can be your support too. Are you comfortable telling us what type of cancer it is? II'm here if you want to talk. MMy phone is being problomatic but I'm going to log on to tbe computer later so I hope to be able to chat with you more later.

Whitelilies
1475 Posts

@Zhara8 Hello and welcome from AB! Please know you have found a group of folks…eager to listen and share experiences…..I am sorry to hear about your friend/boyfriend's diagnosis…..It is wonderful, you have reached out……on how best to support him, through his treatments and more. I am on the colo-rectal journey too……I understand…..

Please know…..he may be scared….worried……keep it all inside….and more…….follow his lead……try not to read TOO much on google……if you know what treatments will begin…we can support you/him for that….same with what surgery? Lots of folks here, with experiences to share…..

Please meet: @RBION Thank you so much, if you could share your care giving experiences, for your husband, on a similar path, as our new member, who is giving care and more….to her boyfriend….much appreciation…

Have a peek at a Canadian Site….filled with info, on clinical trials, meds, side effects, diets; and SUPPORT GROUP!! 3rd sunday of each month…all free….all virtual……1pm to 4 pm…..meet other care givers and learn.

Site is:

www.CCRAN.org

Reach Filomena, President…..she is a wealth of knowledge, support and contacts too….her contact info is on contact page…….she will give you link, for the support group……they get it!

Look after yourself too!

Regards

Whitelilies

#colorectalcancer

Zhara8
3 Posts

Hi @Brighty. Thank you for your comment the little things help these days. he has colon cancer and has undergone a bowel resection and is doing really well now. Since we do not live together we communicate by phone and see each other every other week. we still like in the same city. I have no family here and only my two children i don't have any one to really talk to.

Dave58
171 Posts

@Zhara8 Hi from British Columbia ! So sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. I can't really offer much here but you have two beautiful, caring people who can. There will be others posting you as well.

We're a Family here and now You are part of it. We'll always support you no matter what. Cry, rant what ever you need to do. We'll listen.

Brighty
7483 Posts

I'm glad you logged on here @Zhara8 . We will support you as best we can. Glad he is doing well now. @Whitelilies is a wealth of knowledge on colon cancer. I see you have already met her. How is your boyfriend coping? Would either of you consider talking with the oncology social worker?

Zhara8
3 Posts

Thank you I may just take you up on that

@zhara8 I’ve been with my hubby for over 30 years now but I can promise you I would have been just as heartbroken after 30 days. Here to help you in any way we can and understand your feelings. It’s a difficult road and this site and all the wonderful folks on it help so much. Better out than in we say at my house, so please know this is a safe space for whatever you need 🌸🌼🌻

RBION
36 Posts

Hi @Zhara8 – That’s really good to hear your guy is recovering well from his bowel resection!

When my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer a year ago, it was the start of a million questions that raced through my head. No doubt the same is true for you. Finding people you can talk to, ask questions of and hear real experiences about will help you get through. This site and its family of members offers that to you – it has for me over the last year.

One thing that helped between my husband and I during those first months was me letting him take the lead on our cancer talks. He needed time to process his fears and wrap his head around what his new future might look like. He talked when he was ready which opened the door for good conversations because I also had fears and a new view of our future. It was hard but I waited patiently for him to start those talks. My husband’s not one to share a lot at the best of times so I also looked for other supports. Friends and family were there for me but they sucked a lot of my energy asking questions and offering good vibes…I pulled back because it was overwhelming. What I needed was information and people who better understood the road that lay ahead of us. I found this site as well as CCRAN that @Whitelilies mentioned earlier…it really filled a gap for me. Talking to others who have/are going through something similar has helped take some of the stress and scariness out of cancer. I hope you're able to get something similar from here as well. I'd be happy to talk to you more if you'd like.

darby
6 Posts

I am in the same situation

supersu
499 Posts

@darby

welcome to this community!
this is a place for caregivers and patients to lean on & learn from each other.

I see by your profile that your male partner has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. that is a tough one, for sure.
I can pass on that I have a pal who when told he had pancreatic cancer last year, (at the very same time I found out about my breast cancer), that he had very advanced disease and time was precious. SIXTEEN months later he is still enjoying the fall leaves.

we are here to offer our stories, support to you and your loved ones and sometimes even a laugh or two!

cancer is a tough gig - let us help you get thru your story!

cheers & I hope you are able to share a delicious meal with somebody you love this weekend
su

#newdiagnosis #caregiver

DSJ
18 Posts

I am so impressed that you asked this question and with the answers you are receiving. My wife and I were both diagnosed with cancer at the same time last year. For me it happened on my first day of retirement. We've been going through this crazy tough journey together.

You are getting excellent advice from this group. Wishing all the best in the challenges ahead.

Cynthia Mac
3336 Posts

@Zhara8 , I agree with what @RBION said about letting your guy lead the conversation and finding your own information in other places, but I also believe that open communication is essential, so if it were me, I would make it clear to him that you have feelings and thoughts, too, and that you’re available to him if he ever wants to have a conversation about how it’s affecting him and/ or how it’s affecting you.

@DSJ , My dad got his first cancer diagnosis just a week after he retired. It sure does send you reeling!

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