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First Mom and now Dad.
Mtlcity1969
36 Posts

It has been 3 years since my Mom passed away and now after getting through Covid my Dad was just diagnosed with Prostate cancer that has spread to his bones. They have moved fast from diagnosing him after being taken to hospital by ambulance for severe leg pain to the next day having surgery to remove a mass on his spine. Two weeks later is starting to walk around again, but we have no idea what the next steps are. The urologist said it is not terminal and that they have lots of treatments. But, after my Mom I know they try to keep the patients motivated to fight and are always “optimistic”. But, we don't know what to expect & from what I read on line it seems like expected life span after prostate cancer spreads like this is less than one year. This happened right after my sister and I bought a duplex together and we are in the middle of major construction & we both work full time. So, we do not know how we will take care of him. We will do whatever it takes of course, but mentally I am exhausted and trying to stay strong for everyone else. Don't mean to be all woo is me but I am honestly tired and scared and not ready to go through this again.

7 Replies
Brighty
7483 Posts

@Mtlcity1969 i would say welcome back . .but. I'm sure you would prefer not to be here. Im so sorry you had to go through this with your mom and now with your dad. I remember talking to you 3 years ago and you were very kind. Try to remember the coping strategies that worked for you when you cared for your mom. Try and remember what worked and what didn't. I'm going to tag @RoyL

@RoyL sorry having technical problems . Let me try agsin….

Brighty
7483 Posts

@Mtlcity1969 im trying to tag @Roy L. For you. I think it worked. He will help you with anything you need to know about prostate cancer.

Whitelilies
1475 Posts

@Mtlcity1969 Hello……I am sorry to hear of the diagnosis, of your father. It is so difficult, on everyone, in the family. (Yes so soon, after your loss, of your mom….)

Perhaps reach out to the Oncology Social Worker at his hospital….they are a wealth of resources….perhaps he qualifies for a few hours each week, of “Home Care/PSW”…..those times would be your more “free” time….I know you are working too…..but then you can breathe out…..if possible….arrange some meals to be delivered directly to him….divide the week, between your sister and yourself….so neither of you burn-out…..any other relatives nearby who can pitch in, so a bit each week….even to just be with him? Sit beside him? Perhaps order groceries online, so no one needs to be out & about….one less outing.

For yourself….try, each day to carve out a few minutes; just for you! Even a brisk walk outdoors…..sip a hot chocolate on your porch (while construction noises are everywhere!)…..dont listen; just be…..; just think;…..when you are re energized….they that transcends to your dad.

Keep sharing with us….

Whitelilies

#CaregiverBurnout

Roy L.
367 Posts

@Mtlcity1969 Hello, sorry to read you had to find you way back here, and for your dad's diagnosis. First let me say I was diagnosed about 2.5 years ago with Advanced Metastatic PCa. mets to hip and femur, tumor the size of a baseball, and PSA of 442. Radiation and ADT (androgen deprovation therapy) and 2 years later tumor shrunk and PSA was 0.05.

You will drive yourself crazy looking at numbers and what ifs. I spent months looking at numbers from all over the world until I realized if I take and do what they tell me, thats all I can do.

I have had a recent rise in numbers but my Oncologist is taking care of me, again all I could ask for. If you have any questions or anything I can help you with, please reach out. I know you are having scores and numbers and things thrown at you and it can be hard to deal with sometimes. We are all here to help.

All the best.

Roy

#peacelovecure

Mtlcity1969
36 Posts

Thank you so much everyone @Brighty @Whitelilies @Roy L. I remember why this site helped me so much when my Mom was sick. I am going to call the Oncology Social worker now. We have not been given any info what so ever as of yet, other than confirming the spinal tumor was removed 100%. Which is great news & my Dad is up and walking again. He was a firefighter for 40 years and has never been sick a day in life. So this making him feel vulnerable and “old". Which I think is the hardest part right now.. keeping his spirits up is difficult. Plus it makes him miss my Mom even more. I will make sure to check back in and keep you posted on his progress. Thank you again so much. 💗

Ljo77
1 Posts

I just signed up here to seek support and came across your post and I cried. I am in the same situation as you with losing my mom almost five years ago to cancer and now my dad was just diagnosed with prostate cancer last month unexpectedly that has spread to his bones. I am finding it so hard to be there for him as much as possible and take care of my own family (I have a young daughter) and work full time. My dad is a real introvert and doesn't have anyone nearby except myself and my brother. I hate seeing him scared and lonely. I'm trying to be strong but it's hard.

Whitelilies
1475 Posts

@Ljo77 Hello and welcome to our caring community….let us support you, and your family…….we understand…….I am sorry, to hear of the loss of your mom……as well, as the diagnosis, of your dad…..it is all, so much to bear…..just so difficult, on the entire family……

I will include a link below, here you can see/read of others' experiences, with prostate cancer, and you can connect with any member, if you wish to. To tag/reach out….type “@”screen name…..no spaces…..a few names will drop down….tap at name you wish; they will receive a notification they have a message/post.

Please meet @Roy L. Thank you so much, if you could share your experiences, here, to support our new member….caring for her father, similar path; much appreciated.

You are a busy mom and more…..try, even for 15 minutes, each day…..to do something for you, to re energize…..bubble bath….brisk outdoor walk……why not jog…….sip tea on the porch…….this new found energy, can be helpful, to your dad. Perhaps ask your brother, for “specific” help….ie he brings dinner mon-thurs….and you bring dinner (or order in) fri-sun….ask for help as you cannot do it all……perhaps get your dad a “binder” so he/you can write down questions….keep medical reports together…..a calendar in the front for upcoming appts etc…..you can feel connected, this way.

I am in Ontario too…..when my dad was very sick/colon cancer…..CCAC helped out. (Community Care Access Centre)…..I think family dr needs to sign off on this……but then he qualifies for home-care/help…..ie PSW can come over to help with personal needs…..so you can get a break, and spend quality time together…..less stressful….

Let us support you…..

Regards

Whitelilies

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