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Boys Do Cry
Refuge33
20 Posts
Hwhoooo boy. Today is even harder than yesterday. He tears just keep coming. What is adding to my tears that I have not mentioned is that 3 weeks ago I held my dachdhund in my arms as she crossed over to the rainbow bridge. We had adopred her deliberately as a senior in order to give a senior dog a safe loving place to live out their days. She developed total kudney failure in a couple of days. She was in considerable discomfort and was sleeping the days away and showed no interest in going for a walk. We had formed a very close bond in the 11 months and it still tears me up that she was not able to be here longer. Add that to my wife’s (46 years) continuing obvious decline, I AM A BLUBBERING MESS TODAY.
Thank you for listening, reading and being so kind to me during this time. ☮️❤️🙂
11 Replies
Brighty
6765 Posts
Refuge33‍ I'm so so so sorry. It's ok to cry. It's a release of all the pent up emotions. I'm so glad you trust us here to reach out. Sending a virtual hug your way......can you reach out to someone and go for a walk? Someone who can volunteer a listening ear? Or someone who can make you laugh? Keep posting whenever you need. We are here.
S2020
256 Posts
Refuge33‍, this is so difficult to lose a beloved pet, your dear dachshund, and while your wife is seriously ill, too. Either one by itself would be difficult, but to experience both at the same time sounds incredibly sad and painful.

I am glad you reached out to us. Many of us here are pet owners and know they become like family members. They offer unconditional love and support. Have you met Brighty‍ here? She will relate, too, to your experience because she was a caregiver and had a recent scare with one of her pets who is near and dear to her.

Thank you for giving a senior dog a home so she experienced your love and support in her final year.

Edited to add: I see Brighty‍ posted while I was typing my response.
Brighty
6765 Posts
Refuge33‍ ..yes you can contact me whenever you want..I was a caregiver and lost my fiance to this dreadful disease. I can also appreciate the love of a pet. I nearly lost my kitty recently and it almost sent me over the edge with despair. The near loss of Vinnie brought back all my feelings of grief over my fiance. I love this cat more than my own life. I am back on a waiting list again for therapy....is that something you would consider? I found it helped me a lot having someone to talk to who was non judgmental....like a safety net. thanks for introducing us S2020‍ !!!!!
Refuge33
20 Posts
I was in a group therapy setting before covid. My psychiatrist retired and he did not pass on my file to anyone. Having a staff psychiatrist was mandatory tpo be part of this group. Well, he hospital closed my file and I had to reapply to become a member of this group again. This time, the hospital declined. Tough s*** - find somewhere else. So far you folks are my rock. Letting me share my feelings and emotions. And I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. ☮️❤️
Brighty
6765 Posts
Refuge33‍ I also had to get re referred to the hospital but my family doctor re referred me once again..I never heard of a hospital rejecting anyone!!! If you are comfortable sharing what city you are I can look up some groups for you...big cities usually have more than one hospital with group therapy. On the meantime glad we can be here for you. Cant remember if i gave you the cancer info line. They can help too. 1888 939 3333.
S2020
256 Posts
Refuge33, that’s another difficult loss, too...the loss of the psychiatrist who retired and the group therapy.

The Cancer Information Helpline may be able to direct you to additional resources in your area: 1-888-939-3333

Online Community Services Locator: cancer.ca/csl

Wellspring has many helpful online programs for caregivers and patients:

https://wellspring.ca/online-programs/programs/all-programs/

We’re here for you, too!

Edited to add: Brighty‍, I see our posts overlapped again!
robegree71
48 Posts
I am retired and living in Mexico for a few years and diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago, Stage 1.
Covid forced me to look for treatment here and I had a lobectomy and I wouldn’t take chemo or radiation. It was pretty scary the first few months but now one year clear and hope it stays that way. My wife went back to Ontario a few weeks ago, her daughter may have lymphoma, thyroid cancer,
celiac disease or lyme disease ?? It is taking weeks to get to see someone little alone results. She finally had a colonoscopy last week. No biopsy results yet !
What is happening to health care in Ontario/Canada ? I had OLD style surgery here but I may be better off than being back there. My wife is totally frustrated.
I get so much information here and good emotional support from the community of ALL of you here, more than a shrink because you know and feel what I have been and am going through.
Thank you all for being here and open with your feelings.
Bob
Samiam
37 Posts

Oh my goodness, you have every tight to those tears. Thats a lot and to handle.

Wish there was something we could do to ease your burden .

Take care, one day at a time.

Sandy

Cynthia Mac
3194 Posts
robegree71‍, I hate to sound like a lot of the “excuse makers,” but the pandemic has thrown a very large monkey wrench into our health care system. We were just climbing out of the last lockdown and starting to clean up the backlog of appointment deferments and elective surgeries, when the third wave hit. (This would be SO much better if people would just do what they are asked - stay home and wear masks when they must go out.)

That being said, it does take time to get appointments. When we were going through this stage with my Dad’s lung cancer, I tried to be patient by using visualization techniques: Dad saw the doctor yesterday, so today, his assistant has the order to book the scan... then, after the scan, OK, so today the technician is reading the report, and tomorrow he/ his assistant will type the report and e-mail it to Dad’s dr., etc.

It is particularly hard when, as in your wife’s daughter’s case, there are several possibilities as to what it could be. Lyme disease is a particularly tricky one. I know a lady who took several years to have that diagnosed just because the symptoms that present with it can be so “vague.”

Our health care is still excellent. I’ve been able to actually SEE my doctor when I was having an issue during all of this, and I’ve had some tests run as well. It does, however have a bit more lag time than what perhaps we’re used to.

If anything showed in her colonoscopy, they’d probably have told her right away - the doctors usually consult with the patient as soon as they wake up. When did she have her biopsy done?
Cynthia Mac
3194 Posts
Refuge33‍ I read (or heard - I do a lot of audio books) recently that when we cry, we are making room for light to come back in.

You have a lot to process right now with your wife alone, let alone losing a pet on top of that. (It’s astounding how those little critters wrap their paws around our hearts, and how quickly! I used to berate my Mom for not travelling because she didn’t want to leave her cat... fast forward a few years, and I’m finding myself in the same boat - my cat is so spoiled, I’m trying to figure out who would take her in with her eating schedule, let alone her gastric issues!)

So, be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to process.
Refuge33
20 Posts
Thank you. I will check them out
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