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Help for our love ones
Nan C
13 Posts
Hi everyone,

Do you feel guilty if you let a personal support worker care for your love one? I’m exhausted and I find my patience is low and I just want to cry. My mom is, for the most part, bedridden. I try to help as much as I can. But not being a nurse I don’t do things the right way. She already has a bed sore that the nurse cleaned. My mom does not want a hospital bed. Would that really help with not having a bed sore? I just don’t know anymore what to do to help my mom without me burning out.

Thank you.
3 Replies
6765 Posts
Nan C‍ you can only do so much. You are just human. You must take care of yourself too. You can't look after your mom if you are burning out yourself. And like you said,you are not a nurse and not trained to do the medical aspect of things. It's ok to admit you are burning out and no shame in asking for help. Please take care of you too and reach out for some help. Being a caregiver is not easy by any means . Let us know if you need any contacts and we will hook you up .
1228 Posts
Nan C‍ - yes, I felt guilty when my mom really needed help with my dad and for her self but she also refused help so my nieces would help her. I lived many provinces away and also felt guilty that I could not do more. I also felt guilty when she did have a PSW but it was the best thing that could of happened. She was an older woman and mom had a friend in her so that was fabulous.

I dealt with the guilt as it arose and it feels awful but I would tell myself that I am doing the best I can in my situation and it did eventually work out for the best for all of us.

When they both passed away I would still have bouts of guilt that I could/should have done more but it did not help me or them to have these thoughts.

Tell the nurse that attends to your mom that you are feeling burnt out and don’t know how to help your mom all by yourself and don’t know what to do because she refused to have anyone else help her. If you don’t tell people you need help then no one knows you need help. The nurse should be able to connect you to support services and help set that up.

It takes many people to work 24 hr shifts with someone as ill as your mom. One person can’t do it alone.

I so hope you get some help soon.

197 Posts
Nan C

oh dear! sorry to hear that your mom is basically bedridden. how difficult for her.

YOU, of course, could/should never take it all on....it's too much! nurses work in teams, and have back-ups too.

my 2 cents re: the bedsore, (I am not a medical professional): my dad got that also, and he was IN a special bed.....if the body doesn't MOVE--thats what happens....not YOUR fault.

take care of you, and spend your energies on happier things with your mom; helping is great but not if you are burning yourself out in the process.

cheers & hugs to you & your mom

#cancerinthefamily #caregiver
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