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First appointment.
DJMa
6 Posts
My daughter's phone appointment with the intake nurse is on Wednesday and then with the doctor Thursday.

How do I support her? She has anxiety and doesn't hear all the info and doesn't ask questions. She said the other day I have done everything you've asked. That is the problem she doesn't want my support then does want the support. She doesn't ask question or advocate for herself.
9 Replies
supersu
268 Posts
DJMa
gosh--what a situation! anxiety or not, I know it is almost impossible to 'take it all in' at these difficult appointments. it is SO helpful to have an extra set of ears when getting information overloaded. most centres encourage it, especially for first appointments.....COVID of course has made EVERYTHING a little more challenging---see what her centre is offering.

could she give consent so that you can communicate with the healthcare team on her behalf?

or, you can debrief after the appointments and together come up with questions to bring back to the nurse. nothing happens fast, and as a patient, she has the right to have her questions answered.

she is lucky to have a mom who wants to be included and informed

good luck this week -

cheers
su

#cancerinthefamily #caregiver


WendyP
9 Posts
I truly believe that your daughter does not know what she needs from you right now. Be there, be supportive, offer to be connected to phone calls so you can gather info, ask questions on her behalf snd be able to talk with her afterwards. We all hear info differently and it’s a good time to bond. Just be there for her. 💕 I’m sorry your family is going through this, however, with support and love, you’ll get through it together.
Runner Girl
1850 Posts
DJMa‍ ,

I am sorry that your daughter is having to deal with all of this and the emotional rollercoaster that it brings.

Your daughter is lucky to have you in her corner. My mom passed a few months before I was diagnosed and truthfully I'm glad she didn't have to see me go thru treatment. Seeing me bald would have sent her over the edge.

Would your daughter allow you to listen in to the phone call, take notes while she has the discussion so that afterward the two of you could review what was said and what needs to happen?

Runner Girl
DJMa
6 Posts
Thanks for the kind words and support. The information and stories have really helped me.
I will update when we know more.
Thanks again. Feeling better.
DJMa
DJMa‍ - I am so glad you reached out to the community and are feeling the support.
Continue to do so as you need. We are here to help in any way we can. You have a lot of us in your corner.

Hugs
Lianne
JenG
34 Posts
Hi DJMa‍ ,

How about recording the call and/or the appointment? I think you need to ask the medical professional you are talking to first, to get their permission, but it’s a useful tool. My brother recorded the conversation with my mom’s lung cancer doc and it was super helpful to refer back to. And if your daughter doesn’t want you there, at least this will give her something to refer back to and maybe even share with you after she’s had some time to process it all.

Tough journey for you both. I hope you can work it out in a way that works for you both.

take care,
Jen

DJMa
6 Posts
Good appointment today. She had us listen into the call. A laporscopic surgery was booked in 4 to 6 weeks.
Doc was reassuring it was a low possibility for cancer but it was in the suspicious cell range.
​So glad things are moving along.
DJMa



law1
512 Posts
Hi DJMa
I am so glad your daughter allowed you to listen to the phone conversations with the Medical staff.....I cannot imagine how frustrated and confused you must feel, and the anxiety felt by both you and your daughter.
Thank you for opening up and also for the strength your daughter is exhibiting.
All the replies contributed here have mentioned very helpful support systems, so I can only add my prayers of stamina and fight for you and your daughter.
law
Hope1561
6 Posts
Finding out that you have cancer is a very confusing time - I say that as a person who cared for my mother for three years when she was diagnosed with cancer of the bone marrow before I found out that I myself had the same cancer. What shocked me when I was diagnosed was the many questions I did not ask when my mother was diagnosed, and how inadequate my care must have seemed to her.

The issue is that someone in the general public is not trained how to be a patient who has to transition from thinking of oneself as relatively healthy to a person diagnosed with a chronic or deadly disease. Nor is a member of the general public trained how to be an effective caregiver. The important think is to show up and try the best to be there for that person. That requires you to learn new skills.I did this by going to hospice and mining their personnel, books and workshops. I learned a lot from their palliative care program. Their view of palliative care was that a person diagnosed with a life threatening disease could live for years, and even decades while receiving special care. In other words, pallitiative care was not an immediate death sentence.
My best advice is call the person every day, 2 or more times a day if the person is so receptive. Then you do your own research on the cancer. I suggested you look into a plant based diet. There is a lot of information on You Tube. See Dr. MCDougall, The Physicians Committee, Chris Beat Cancer. Dr. Milton Mills. Chef AJ.

Cook plant based meals and bring them over for her. . Try not to argue, but reason instead or remain silent. Even if your think your daughter is doing something wrong, she needs to feel that you are on her side, And that need has to be the priority. And you have to find a gracious way to accommodate that.

You, yourself will likely need your own support person doing her cancer journey. You are likely to find such a person at a hospice.

Take care. Stay safe. Learn as much as possible about a Whole Food Plant based lifestyle an its impact on cancer.
All the best to you and your loved ones.
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