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Very sad and anxious

Very sad and anxious

Posted by aim on Jan 13, 2021 8:48 pm

My mom was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer 2 and a half years ago. She’s been on chemo since and has handled it well. Suddenly this past week her tumour has grown and her doctor thinks she may only have a few months at most. I really thought she’d have a lot longer and can’t seem to make sense of it all. 

With the lockdown and covid we are very careful about seeing her, but I want to spend time with her if there’s only a little left. She lives a few hours away and we are planning to go and stay with her in a few weeks. 

Every day right now I just feel so bad if I don’t call her more or FaceTime more, because who knows when I won’t be able to. I can’t believe how sad I am. I knew it would be hard, but I feel like I’m so sad that I can’t even make the most of this time or be supportive. 

Does anyone have suggestions?

Re: Very sad and anxious

Posted by Whitelilies on Jan 13, 2021 8:57 pm

aim‍ Hello.....thank you for sharing your feelings and more.
I am sorry to hear about your mom.....of course it is a very difficult and stressful time....add covid and we all have another "layer" to deal with.
Make the most of each call.....talk, listen, and say I love you, a lot,.
Make plans for your upcoming visit.  Do her favourite activites, if she has energy, even if it is simply cooking dinner together....or making a cake.....take pictures too.
Just "being" together, is beautiful and so caring.  Sitting together on the couch, saying nothing, or saying and sharing family stories, to reminesse...all beautiful.  Create memories....
Look after yourself too.....take a daily walk, eat well....rest.....try to carve out 1 hr , each day, just for you....to re energize......

Ask your mom, what would you like to do today?  What can I do to support you best? Let her take the lead, as well.
Maybe you can drive her to a medical appt (probably you cannot attend though).

My dad has colon cancer too.....I am on the colon cancer journey too.,

Aim; I get it !!



Re: Very sad and anxious

Posted by Brighty on Jan 13, 2021 9:13 pm

I'm so sorry for what you are going  through  aim‍ .    When a loved one is sick it is very normal  to feel a variety  of emotions.   Anticipatory  grief, sadness,  confusion  , anger and guilt are all part of the package  when you love someone so much.     It's understandable  you want to spend whatever time you have left with her and covid makes it so tricky.     Is she able to go for walks?  You can go for short walks if she is able or a porch visit.    You can send things to her like care packages, prepared meals and groceries.     You can do 'zoom 'meals together too.   Eat at the same time as she does and have the same meal together  by zoom.    Zoom games are fun too.    
does your mom live alone or does she have anyone  with her ?    You could ask a neighbour to check in on her  or a nearby family member.      Do you have anyone  to discuss your feelings  with? A close friend to confide in or perhaps  the social  worker  where she is being treated.    You need to take care of yourself too and your feelings are important.      I hope you enjoy  your upcoming  visit  and cherish every moment  spent with her.     Make some wonderful  memories together that you can look back on .    You are not alone.      
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Very sad and anxious

Posted by Trillium on Jan 14, 2021 6:24 pm

aim‍ - your sadness and anxiety are more than understandable. Sorry we have to meet you at this sad time but know that we are always here for you. Talking about this to your friends and family will bring you more support. White lilies and Brighty have given you some great suggestions on what you can do. You can also call your local hospice office to get guidance and support as well. They can give you local resources for your family too. This booklet from CCS is a guide to advanced cancer that you will find helpful if you have not read it yet.


Please know that we are here so you won’t be alone going through this hard time. There is also an advanced cancer “group” here you can join. 

Take some deep slow breaths in and out when you feel overwhelmed.

Warm hugs

Re: Very sad and anxious

Posted by aim on Jan 14, 2021 9:15 pm

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and support. I’m finding that sometimes it seems like “regular” life and other times I realize something that we won’t be able to do - like send a quick text - and feel overcome with sadness. 

Re: Very sad and anxious

Posted by Missy8 on Jan 24, 2021 11:32 pm

Hi aim‍ 

I’m sorry you and your Mom are going through this. It’s so hard. And how does one come to terms with losing the person that’s been with you your whole life. I honestly do not think there is any time frame that a doctor could give you that would be ok, it all seems too short and so soon. 
Enjoy the time you can have with her, call her as often as you feel comfortable with, I’m sure she enjoys the chats. Video chat if you can. I know covid adds a frustrating layer, and doesn’t necessarily allow us to be there for those close to us in The same way we would be otherwise, but we can definitely show our love and support. That is the most important. 
also, it is ok to be sad and anxious. There are so many emotions involved in this.
you are not alone.

Sending love and hugs.