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Scared and helpless!

Scared and helpless!

Posted by Charlie1 on Dec 28, 2020 1:40 pm

Yesterday December 27 was my birthday. It was also the day I held my husband as he cried and told me his body is giving up and it broke my heart. My husband loses 1lb a day and now ways 112 lbs. He sleeps most of the time and I sit in my office by myself trying not to disturb him. Yesterday was the first time I have seen my husband so afraid. I don't know what to do or how to help him. I am there for him and want to do whatever he needs.  I am trying to be strong and keep it together but I am now having panic attacks and feeling quite depressed. I really don't know what to do. I called the emergency oncologist and she said she was not too concerned cause he is no longer experiencing a lot of pain and he is not nauseated or vomiting. I am afraid really afraid and it is breaking my heart. Is there anyone that can explain what is happening to him? Is this what is going to happen? how much weight can he continue to lose. When does someone say they are concerned. On December 14 he weighed 126 lbs today he weighs 112 ?? 

Re: Scared and helpless!

Posted by Brighty on Dec 28, 2020 1:59 pm

Charlie1‍ my heart breaks for you.   I remember  when  my fiance weighed 97 pounds and I told  the oncologist and he said  he wasn't concerned.   Are you kidding. .a 5 feet 11  guy weighs 97 pounds and you're not concerned?   Is your husband  able to eat solid foods?   Or is he on Ensure or anything like that?   I want to give you cancer info line.  1 888 939 3333.   They may be better able to help you answer those questions  or advise you what to do.    Thry might  have a dietician  or a social worker  to refer you to as well.   The dietician would be able to advise on what to do to get calories  in him without causing  him pain...and a social  worker  can talk to you about your distress.   I went to the oncology  social worker and dietician and they were both great.    But if your oncology  dept doesn't have those resources  tbe cancer info line will help you.   I can't tell you how many oceans and oceans I cried to the oncology  social  worker.     I think you  will find the cancer  info line to be very helpful and sympathetic.  Let me know if you are able to talk to them and what they advise.       
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Scared and helpless!

Posted by Brighty on Dec 28, 2020 2:02 pm

And Charlie1‍ happy  birthday  to you.   When I get or got depressed  about tbe situation  i would give myself little 'pick me ups' to cheer myself up.    Usually a trip to Dairy Queen would help a tad.    You deserve a small treat for everything  you've been though.    Of course it won't take away all the pain but it will be a mini distraction  or treat which you most certainly deserve.    
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Scared and helpless!

Posted by Trillium on Dec 28, 2020 7:44 pm

Charlie1‍ - So sorry your family is going through such a hard time. I would be scared and having panic attacks too.  Brighty‍  has given you some great resources and like her I also talked to the oncology social worker who is there to talk to your husband to ease his fear but also to help you. I also talked to a therapist and took a free caregiver course which helped me take care of myself as best I could. 

When my son was diagnosed and went through chemo and surgery for testicular cancer I had a couple of panic attacks. I saw my family doctor and even though my antidepressant does help with my anxiety, I asked for and was given a prescription for Ativan which I have used when I was not able to control my stress. I also find mindful meditation very helpful and making crafts or art. Exercise like Yoga Nidra and walking are also helpful for me. Take it one day at a time and know that we are here for you anytime. 

From this advanced cancer guide from CCS I copied the section weight loss. Read the caregiver section in here too. So glad he is not in any pain!

I can’t copy from this guide - see page 44 for Appetite and weight loss.

You can also talk with and meet others when you join this group below:

Warm hugs for you, and Happy Birthday! Charlie1.  How did you celebrate your birthday?



Re: Scared and helpless!

Posted by Boby1511 on Dec 28, 2020 7:59 pm

My heart goes out to you both. That kinda weight loss is very scary.
Does your husband have a palliative doctor? 
My palliative doctor has been great. They will also do my home care once I need again.
I used to take hydromorphone, found them made me nauseous and only took my pain down to 3s.
I switched to tramadol, which I think is milder but still an opioid.