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Caregiver struggling

Caregiver struggling

Posted by Nishi on Jun 16, 2020 2:40 am

Hubby has a 4th Cancer. He is at home but he is in palliative care program.
this new Tumour is fungating and malodorous and I have to pad him 3 times
a day. We do get home care and I’m very thankful for that.
today was tough and I’m wondering how much longer I can do this for. I lost 
my Dad 3 years ago to Colon Cancer after he fought for 3 years and them wham
hubby had racial cancer. I’m just struggling today.

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by KMitts on Jun 16, 2020 7:08 am

I’m so sorry Nishi‍. My husband has stg4 too; we just found out that he is not a candidate for surgery last week so he’s back to chemo today as maintenance (reduced from 5 drugs to 2) and the sadness/grief is overwhelming. Both my parents have passed away within the last 8 years and I have a 12 and 13yr old. 
It feels like a giant bulldozer is coming and we can see it; I know it’s good because we have the chance to spend time with him, but the bulldozer is going to flatten us and I’m so tired and scared. 

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jun 16, 2020 2:59 pm

Nishi‍  and KMitts‍ 

I am sorry for what both of you are going through. Being a caregiver is not an easy job and it is hard to see someone you love struggle and suffer.

I am glad you have connected with each other here and hope you can find support from each other along with this community.

Lianne

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jun 17, 2020 7:28 am

Hello, Nishi‍ And KMitts‍ , welcome to “the caregiver lands” as a little talking Schnauzer would say.

I’m caregiver to my Dad who has metastatic lung cancer and has been in hospital for the last 3 weeks.

I haven’t investigated where you’re from, but I want to let you and Kkfan‍ know that there is an organization for caregivers in Ontario. I haven't looked into it yet, and don’t know what it has to offer, but it might be a place where you can get some resources. Here’s a link to their website: 

https://ontariocaregiver.ca/

To explain more about the talking Schnauzer, there’s a miniature Schnauzer called Pluto who has his own YouTube channel. Pluto Living has provided me with a little comic relief over the last few months.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by KMitts on Jun 17, 2020 10:56 am

Thank you for that. I’m in NB but would love to get in contact with a virtual group for regular support. I know there were local groups but, due to covid, I’m not willing to do face-to-face. 

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Laika57 on Jun 17, 2020 11:47 am

Let me just send out a round of hugs, and some homemade beverages you'll have to prepare yourself ;)

At a low point again today myself. But nothing a hot chocolate and a brownie can't temporarily fix.

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Nishi on Jun 28, 2020 3:40 am

Thank you all for your support.
sometimes I feel horrible when I’m tired 
and get a little short with my hubby.
i also hate to watch the suffering....
too much pain. I’m not sure what to say 
or do but just keep trying my best.

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jun 28, 2020 7:04 am

Nishi‍ , I’m going to tag CentralAB‍ Into this conversation. The care he gave to his wife during her last months with cancer was inspiring, and I’m sure he will be able to help you with this. In the meantime, if you search his profile name or some of the caregiver threads here, you’re apt to run across some of the ways he got through. One of the things I remember he did was a little “something special” every day - a flower in a bud vase, a note on the breakfast tray, or a trip to a window where the sun was streaming in.

To you and Laika57‍ , and the others who have been following my story, my Dad passed away on Friday morning. He died in hospital - he never had the chance to come home. For those of you who are caring for your loved one at home, I just want you to know that you are giving them a great gift by making it possible for them to be there. It was a bit surreal, saying all the things you need to say at that time, while the guy in the next bed was playing a video game with pirate noises and baroque music. (We did get a private room after a few days of that...)
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Whitelilies on Jun 29, 2020 10:33 am

Cynthia Mac‍ Hello
My sincere condolences for the loss of your father.
Hold on to wonderful, meaningful memories.
You were there for him.
May He Rest In Peace.

Warmly
Lillian

Whitelilies

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by MCoaster on Jun 29, 2020 11:26 am

Cynthia Mac‍  
 I am so sorry to hear of your father’s dying.  
His passing will leave a big hole in your life as you so lovingly there with him on his journey.
He will live on in your heart I am sure.

You are in my thoughts.

Margaret

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Laika57 on Jun 29, 2020 12:08 pm

Oh Cynthia Mac‍ I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by KMitts on Jun 30, 2020 7:49 am

Cynthia Mac:
Nishi‍ , I’m going to tag CentralAB‍ Into this conversation. The care he gave to his wife during her last months with cancer was inspiring, and I’m sure he will be able to help you with this. In the meantime, if you search his profile name or some of the caregiver threads here, you’re apt to run across some of the ways he got through. One of the things I remember he did was a little “something special” every day - a flower in a bud vase, a note on the breakfast tray, or a trip to a window where the sun was streaming in.

To you and Laika57‍ , and the others who have been following my story, my Dad passed away on Friday morning. He died in hospital - he never had the chance to come home. For those of you who are caring for your loved one at home, I just want you to know that you are giving them a great gift by making it possible for them to be there. It was a bit surreal, saying all the things you need to say at that time, while the guy in the next bed was playing a video game with pirate noises and baroque music. (We did get a private room after a few days of that...)

I'm so sorry about your father. And thank you for the reminder. 

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by JenG on Jun 30, 2020 9:45 am

Cynthia Mac‍ I am very sorry for your loss of your dad. It's been a long journey for you. Take care of yourself.

Jen.

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by vic777 on Jul 1, 2020 10:57 am

Hi

I ca't even imagine what I could add to the many wonderful thoughts that have gone out to you.  Except what I can say is that I have been there and more than once I wondered if the journey was as hard for them as was for me as the caregiver.   Well now i'm on the other side and I can answer that question.  It is in fact harder for you because it requires every inch of your energy,  positive thoughts, being an advocate, and a top notch co-ordinator and on and on and on.  The patient (me) simply is so thankful for someone like you because it helps me focus on keeping or getting well and/or fighting, period.  Whether it ever gets said or not, trust that what you are doing is what you are supposed to be doing and when you are supposed to be d*** it!  Thank you so much for being a caregiver

Sincerey, Ruth

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 2, 2020 6:24 am

Thank you, Ruth, vic777‍ . Your words were exactly what I needed to see this morning. 
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Caregiver struggling

Posted by jorola on Jul 3, 2020 5:57 am

Hi Nishi‍ 
I am sorry things are so hard. You do sound very tired. I am glad you are getting some help. Maybe it is time to increase the hours of help though?
Are you able to get out for a bit when the help comes? Can you go meet a friend for a coffee? Sure sounds like you need a break. I know, I been there too, I know  you are just tired and worn out. You love your husband but hate the cancer. I can't imagine the pain you feel seeing your husband suffer, I am so sorry. I hope you don't mind if I send you a virtual hug. Thinking of you.
 
Live, Laugh, Love