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Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Miss Ing on May 15, 2019 7:49 am

Hi Everyone,
Hope this message finds you in good spirits and making the most of your day!
As some know, I'm new to this group and find the discussions very encouraging and helpful.
Just wanted to update you concerning our situation.
Last week I posted about my husband not being able to have his second chemo treatment because his hemoglobin was dangerously low. He needed 3 unit of blood.
At home, he was still quite fatigued and lethargic and not eating and drinking as he should.
He also started to experience mild shortness of breath as well. During the weekend, I starting having this feeling that I was not medically equipped or trained to handle my husband's condition. I kept feeling that something was wrong and he needed more care.
I spoke to my husband and his sister/brother in law about hospital care. My husband was annoyed that I wanted to just place him in the hospital.
On Monday, after an episode of shortness of breath and speaking with his home care nurse, I decided to call 911.
He is now in hospital and I believe it was the best decision I could have made. His hemoglobin had plummeted again.
He had to have more blood but the blood work shows improvement with his hemoglobin.
He is now eating and drinking more and they have been able to get him up and moving. At home, he didn't eat much and was not drinking so he was receiving hydration which I was quite concerned about. This has created some issues as well. 
I met with the doctor yesterday and we discussed a treatment plan moving forward. They have also been in communication with his oncologist.
As my husband has been very co-dependent on me over the years, he wants to have someone just take care of him without him putting in much effort.
He now likes being in the hospital.
He is also making plans and recordings with people like our bible study leader and not including me or the family. He is difficult with some of the staff and with family.
He makes untrue statements about me or situations and then retracts them apologizing profoundly and blaming it on the cancer. I've been told that he is up at night texting people at all hours.  His behaviour is very strange.
I'm very exhausted 7 weeks into this journey and already mentally drained. I really thought that we would go through this together and be a team but this does not seem to be the way it is going.
Has anyone else experienced this? I am trying so hard to make good memories and keep things positive.
Thanks. 

 
 
   

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on May 15, 2019 10:37 am

Miss Ing‍ 

Good to hear from you. 

You have been through a lot since we last heard from you. I'm glad you sought out help when you were feeling like the care required was too much. I'm sure it was not easy to do. It's important to trust yourself and know when extra help is needed. I'm glad to hear he is somewhat settled in at the hospital and doesn't mind being there now. 

You mentioned his behaviour seeming strange- have you mentioned it to the Doctor?

Have you read our Advanced Cancer booklet? It has a section for the person diagnosed and the Caregiver and talks about making memories. I'd also like to introduce you to gem1007‍, I hope you two can connect.

Take Care,
Lacey

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Miss Ing on May 15, 2019 11:24 am

Hi Lacey_adminCCS‍ ,
Thanks you for your kind response. I will try to connect with gem1007‍ . 

Miss Ing

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Essjay on May 15, 2019 6:26 pm

Hi Miss Ing‍ I’m so sorry you are going through all this.

Have you connected with the social worker at your husbands cancer clinic. They are a really helpful resource for navigating through the system to get the care you need. It also sounds like your husband and yourself could both do with some counselling...

i hope things settle down for you.

Best wishes

Essjay

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by CharlotteS on May 16, 2019 11:30 am

Miss Ing I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am caring for my husband as well. He has renal carcinoma that has metastasised into his lungs and bones. Due to several autoimmune responses caused by his Immunotherapy, he was put on a wonder drug called Prednisone. A mirical drug but the consequence was mood swings. He has alienated some well meaning friends by snapping at them. I have had to run  interference for these outbreaks. I am not sure if your husband is on any medication that might create changes in his mood and or behavior. Please check with your medical team. It is oh so hard not to take the comments to heart but trust that your man is still in there just confused and scared. He needs your rock steady love to help get him through this. I am here as we all are if you need to vent
 

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Line on May 16, 2019 1:33 pm

Oh Miss Ing,
So sorry you are going through such hard times.  I am not in your shoes, and cannot comment on our situation,  but just want to wish you the best and send you some courage. 
Stay strong and may God less you and your husband.
Take care!

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by sflores on May 17, 2019 12:03 pm

Keep strong.
Will be praying for you
It is a hard journey to take both for the patient and the caregiver

Sonie

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by WestCoastSailor on May 17, 2019 12:54 pm

Miss Ing‍ 

I hadn't run across your posts before but I'm touched by the similarity of our plights.  My wife had pancreatic cancer. She seems to handle her first chemo treatment quite well but the cancer had metastasized to her liver. She was hospitalized to place a stent to allow proper functioning of the liver. Unfortunately the cancer progressed quickly and she went to hospice quite quickly.

While my wife was hospitalized morphine metabolism was an issue. Morphine was being used for pain control and bult up to the point where she became extremely sleepy and increasingly incoherent when she was awake.

Talk to the medical team is the best advice. Explain what you are seeing and how uncharacteristic it is for him. They will work with you to understand and try to improve things.

Obviously your husband has a strong faith. Spend time in prayer with him. And know that God loves you in all this.

Angus

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on May 17, 2019 2:25 pm

Miss Ing‍ 

I am sorry for all that you and your husband are going through but so glad you have connected with many of our amazing members.

Continue to reach out here - we are listening

Lianne

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Brighty on May 17, 2019 4:26 pm

Miss Ing‍     I'm so sorry you are going through  this.    My fiance was also constantly  lashing out at me.     In your husband's case could be a side effect of tbe meds ?  it could also possibly be depression.      My fiance  was severely  depressed  after his diagnoses.    He went from being a physically fit independent  guy withering away  to nothing in such a short time.   It killed him to be dependent  on everyone and being hooked up to a feeding  tube  for hours a day.     There wasn't anything  I could say or do to snap him out of the depression.     He wouldn't go to therapy so I went for myself.   I had to do it to stay sane.        I had to practice  a lot of self care  and take 'cancer breaks'     I tried talking  to him about normal every stuff like hockey or the kids at school.       He listened because  he welcomed the non cancer talk.   If he didn't want to talk or listen  I just sat with him in front of the tv and held his hand.     He knew I loved him like your hubby knows you love him.      

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Miss Ing on May 17, 2019 7:06 pm

Hi Everyone,
Thank you for your kind responses. I really appreciate just having someone lend an ear as well as the comments.
Update: My husband has been discharged and is now home. He has gone back to not eating or drinking again.
I did hope that we would spend some time to make nice memories but this is not the case. He is declining quickly and wants to die.
I feel bad for him but also for myself as I am the only caregiver along with some more services.
Thank you again.

Miss Ing 

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Cynthia Mac on May 18, 2019 8:26 am

Miss Ing‍ , I re-read your post this morning, and I had a thought: Have you considered talking to your husband’s Bible Study leader? If you could have a candid conversation with him, or your pastor/ minister, perhaps he/ they could recommend passages to your husband to discuss, and maybe help him, which might indirectly help you.

Re: Caring for my Husband with Pancreatic Cancer

Posted by Sharon F on May 18, 2019 11:37 pm

I thought I was reading about myself in Miss Ing and Brighty's emails.  I have started to see a therapist. I hope it helps me to help him. It's very tiring. Marty and I always tried to live as if we had no tomorrow. My mother died at 57. She never had a chance to do her bucket list. We have been doing ours for 30 years. We have lived a very good and interesting life. When he gets down, I try to remember one of our amazing trips or life experiences. I sure hope he recovers. I have no miracle advice for anyone. I don't feel so alone. Thank you.