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Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by SNCS on Feb 11, 2019 5:51 pm

Hello, my husband recently passed away (December 2018) from very aggressive MPNST Sarcoma. He was only 43. We have two young children. He was only diagnosed in October 2018. I guess I’m on this site maybe to talk to others with the same condition or maybe other widows/widowers who have lost their spouse at a young age due to cancer.

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Elizabeth06 on Feb 11, 2019 6:09 pm

Hello SNCS‍ 
Welcome to Cancerconnections.  
let me begin by saying I am so sorry for your loss.  What a difficult, exhausting time it must be.  I applaud you reaching out, recognizing the value in connecting with others.  Do you have family support nearby?
on this site, under groups, there is a section for coping with grief where you might find threads that you may want to join or start your own discussion.  There are also sections for caregivers.
i am going to tag Aly‍, and Brighty‍ who were caregivers to their loved ones.
i hope you find support here.  This is a safe place full of knowledgeable, experienced, and caring individuals.
Be gentle with yourself and take care.
 

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Brighty on Feb 11, 2019 6:52 pm

SNCS‍  welcome.   So glad you found us!!!  Elizabeth06‍  thank you for tagging me.    I'm so very sorry for your loss.   I understand  your pain.  I lost my fiance to esophageal cancer back in June.  He was 42 years old.   It was a horrible  time but I promise  you things will get better.       Do you have friends  and family near y you can spend time with? Ate you currently  working  or taking time off?    Do you have hobbies  you like to do to vet your mind off things for a whIle?    Are you eating and sleeping  ok?   Sorry for  all the questions.     When you are in the thick of things sometimes self care goes out the window.      Would you consider grief support?  I'm in my 5th week of a grief support group  and find it helpful.    It helps to connect  and share with others who truly get it.      Please continue  to share with us and we can all support each other and share in the coping with grief  group.      

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by SNCS on Feb 12, 2019 12:43 am

Ugh I’m so sorry about your loss too! It’s all so terrible. I would love to talk to you more about it and I am so open to a grief group. I haven’t been able to find anything around my age group. I’m 41. I’m in the Surrey/Langley area, is this near to where it meets?

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Brighty on Feb 12, 2019 6:57 am

SNCS‍ hI .  I'm in toronto but I can look up some places for you on your area.  I'll get back to you.   .   I'd love to chat more with you  .     

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Feb 12, 2019 8:58 am

SNCS‍ , I, too, am sorry for your loss. You are at a young age to become a widow.

There is a Cancer Services Locator site that might help you find some grief counselling services in your area. The webite address is Csl.cancer.ca. You could also contact the counselling desk at your local cancer centre, and even your local library. Both will know of such services in your town.

My city has a children’s grieving centre, so you could check your area to see if there is something that would be suitable for them, as well.

While your situation may be rare, I learned just a couple days ago of a young family near to me, where the father, who is just a few years younger than your husband was, has received a stage 4 diagnosis. Unfortunately, cancer does not discriminate on the basis of age, either.

I’m going to tag rainbowpromise‍ to see if she would like to join this conversation. She lost her husband several months ago, and may have some thoughts that could help get you through this.

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by rainbowpromise on Feb 12, 2019 10:48 am

Thanks for tagging me Cynthia Mac‍ 

SNCS‍ I am sorry for what you are going through. Although I cannot say I know, because even though I lost my husband in August, I had two things that you didn't. Time and adult children.

This doesn't mean I can't contribute to the conversation. The experiences I had during my husband's battle help me to understand. While I had my husband in hospital for a nasty case of pneumonia during chemo, one of my close friends came in to ER and was diagnosed. He too had a young family and a young wife. He died in July and his wife leaned heavily on me emotionally. It was on of the hardest things I had to do because I knew my husband would not last much longer.

Okay - straighten my thoughts. 

I only had to worry about myself but you have young children to guide through this. Are they adjusting?  
My friend has a very young daughter who spends most of her day making up songs about her daddy. I have noticed that her songs have changed to be more every day stuff now.
The two girls in elementary school took to wearing their father's clothes to bed. Shirts and hats. The recently donated their hair for cancer patients, which seemed to be a turning point for them. I know that can't be done in Canada anymore but their mother has ties to Europe and they found a place to donate.
The girl in high school reacted to losing her father with fear. She got a dog. A big dog.

We all, at any age, find ways to cope at first and eventually heal. The best advice is to allow your children to talk about their dad. You find someone that will listen to you and allow you to cry if you need to or laugh if you need to.

I personally after 6 months, still think about my husband daily, even talk about him daily. Some days are good, other days I drive by the place where we had our first kiss. We were married for 41 years so there are a lot of memories. In all my memories I came to realize that it would have been much harder if this had happened when we were younger and perhaps harder again if we had grown older together.

I only check in when someone tags me, so if you want to ask me a question personally make sure you use the tag.

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Feb 12, 2019 12:01 pm

Thanks, rainbowpromise‍ it’s good to know we can call on you at times like these.

SNCS‍ , if you want to tag someone, type the @ symbol, and immediately start typing their name - no space! After 4-5 characters, a list of suggestions will appear, and you can choose the one you’re looking for.

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Brighty on Feb 12, 2019 3:00 pm

SNCS‍  I found Jericho  grief councelling in your area.     604 537 4246.   I'll try and see if anything  else comes up.    

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Brighty on Feb 12, 2019 3:29 pm

SNCS‍  I found 2 more .  Breathing room... 604 308 5343.   And also Langley  hospice society 604 530 1115.    

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by rainbowpromise on Feb 12, 2019 8:27 pm

I'm in Langley area but have not even looked into groups. If you need to meet for coffee I can do that.

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Aly on Feb 13, 2019 12:28 am

SNCS‍ ,

I'm sorry for your loss. I was a caregiver for my mother and understand how hard it is to lose someone you love so dearly. Here are some links that may help you.
  • Here is the BC Bereavement Helpline information.
  • The Surrey Hospice Society, which offers one-on-one and group grief services. They are located on 78th Ave.
  • The Langley Hospice Society, also offers both one-on-one and group grief services. They are located on 48th Ave.
  • I've started a journal here on CancerConnection which has some of my own views on the grieving process, as well as some grief information provided by Alberta Health Services.
If you have any questions or just want to chat, I'm always here.

 

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Huelam on Feb 15, 2019 8:15 pm

Dear SNCS‍ ,

Your announcement of your husband passing brought tears to my eyes. First of all I’d like to send you my condolences and wishing you and your children all the courage to pass this difficult time in your lives. I’m really really sorry for your imminent losses.. not only your physical dear husband but also all that future plans you’ve had for each other, for your young family and for your children growing up without a daddy leaning on in each milestone of their lives. I wish that I have a magic wand which can speedily bring Joy and Peace back to you and your children in that time of needs..

The reason I can resonate with is Yes, I’ve been in your shoes and still am. My beloved husband passed away 15 years ago (4 days shy of our 10th years anniversary) after just 6 weeks diagnosed of Leukaemia and after 2 round of chemotherapy which caused septicaemia. I was 37 at that time and my children were 7 and 4. We had moved from Surrey BC to Connecticut for jobs and were doing well with new house, new magnetic school for my son. I was a homemaker at that time but preparing notes to pass license boards to practice in medical field. And boom out of nowhere, that came the illness that even I was working in medical field I had thought my family and I was immune to this (back then we didn’t have a cancer history in both side of families). How devastated I was at that time... and I was so alone in dealing with all the paperwork and funeral arrangements as my family and his were in Montreal. It didn’t hit me hard the first 4 months as I was too busy selling the house, take care of the estate, moving back to Canada, find French school for my kids (Montreal) and look for jobs... I remember at the year end ( he passed in August) I was crying hard trying to hold on memories because I knew that I had to let him go and I didn’t want to...

What helped me at that time was books and support groups via internet (Americans site)  talking about grieving as I needed to hear it would be ok to cry and there are others in similar situations. In Montreal, my son had his social worker working with him as he was acting strangely at school and at home. My daughter was too young to understand much but missed her daddy in silence... The first anniversary of his death was really hard but time has helped to heal all that sadness.. Eventually you’ll find happiness again and your  children too so there is Hope, please don’t give  up..

Fast forward to present, I’m connecting to this site looking for support for myself after mon diagnosis of IDC unknown stage stade II of my left breast. I’m done with all treatments (not chemo) and preparing to go back to work. In the past year I’ve lost my mom from Lymphoma then 4 months after, my dad. All of them I was main caregiver so pretty lucky I am! My children in the other hand are doing well at school. Both are at universities with part time jobs. They too have found happiness in what they’re doing and I’m really grateful for having them at my side, every day! 

I’m terrible of typing so I’ve been silent and reading posts of others. But this site is working by peers support as one of moderators has said to me. I’m stepping up the plate hoping my story would find you comfort and you’re not alone in your griefs. Please write to me if you want to talk to, I’m all ears 👂!
 Wishing you a great week-end and not too much snow in this part of BC. 
Take care dear! 
Huelam 
 

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Feb 15, 2019 8:54 pm

SNCS‍ I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find solace and support in this wonderful community.

Huelam‍  -I am sorry too for the losses you have endured. I thank you for trusting us with your story and showing there is light on the other side of grief..  I have no doubt you will help others who find themselves in this situation.
Happy to hear you have completed your treatments and wish you well with your return to work.

Sending you all a virtual hug.

Lianne
 

Re: Husband died from MPNST Sarcoma

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Feb 16, 2019 7:42 am

Huelam‍ ,  Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes life throws a lot more at us than we thank we can manage, but we always seem to get through it.

I just wanted to let you know that your post was very easy to understand, so please don’t be shy about your typing or about joining in conversations here!

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