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Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 8:39 am

You bet babe xo

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Momordica on Nov 2, 2018 9:17 am

Yes it definitely happens from time to time.  You feel extremes of emotions, frustration, anger, questions of why ___ or what did I do to deserve this.  But this also has a silver lining.  There are times that it strengthens relation.

In the end, just Keep Caring for those we love.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 2, 2018 11:10 am

myworstnightmare:
Oh yes hun, I have always been so healthy, I eat healthy, don't smoke, don't drink, exercise daily, ran 4 marathons, am a black belt in martial arts, think positive and help others think positive, so this is such a punch in the face (and the gut) when you find out that these things you are doing, trying to help yourself stay healthy, don't really matter, you were chosen to go through this experience whether you like it or not. And this terrible disease got me too:(
You almost think like you are immune to all this, that it only happens to people who harm themselves by not doing the very things that I do, yet all my theory went down the drain.



 

myworstnightmare‍ 
I have heard this from many people who are frustrated that despite trying to do all the right things, they still got cancer. My feeling  is - it is not for naught. You need to be as healthy as possible not only to go through treatments but to be a caregiver. So the lifestyle lays a good foundation for which to navigate the cancer experience.

Thanks for sharing your story and perspective

Lianne

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 5:21 pm

Hi Lianne,

I completely understand this and I am not a complainer. It's just hard to face these things sometimes like asking why did it happen to me being so healthy, but I guess I will get my answer one day, maybe soon, or maybe until the day I face the maker. See, I am a tough person who takes everything in stride and deals with the issues I am facing head on. I am very practical, so I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't get angry at God like some people I know, but we are all humans and we do sometimes slip and fall and the choices are only two - either you deal with it and do something about it, or you become bitter and angry and then - guess what? the stress of your emotions overwhelming you - gets you a new cancer, so what's better??

I am happy to share knowledge about any topic that I feel "talks" to me. Not for nothing they call me Dear Abbey:) (well, that's actually my name in English:))

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 2, 2018 5:32 pm

myworstnightmare‍  (Dear Abby wink )

Not for one second did I think you were complaining though anyone going through this has the right to take a pause to do that. Someone once asked me if I ever said "Why me" - as corny as it sounds I said "Why not me?" . The odds of getting a cancer are pretty high now. All we can do is try to live our best life and if we are dealt that hand, we play it the best we can.

Have a good weekend

Lianne

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 6:27 pm

You too hun. That's a spirit xo

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Brighty on Nov 2, 2018 6:38 pm

you are the best myworstnightmare‍ :-)
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 10:13 pm

WE are the best hun, WE are!! we are all good people who got, not by choice, into a situation that is tough to deal with and you know what? we will all be ok, no matter what happens, we will get there in due time and be ok.xo

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Brighty on Nov 2, 2018 10:25 pm

myworstnightmare‍  Thanks.  I actually thought I was ok until just now.   I was trying so hard all week to keep it together and go to work and be ok, but tonight everything  just hit me and I'm in distress right now.  I'm thinking of calling a crisis hotline now actually.     
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 3, 2018 7:26 am

Hun, something must have triggered it. It definitely needs to be dealt with. I hope you did get in touch with people who can help and I am always here for you if you need me. I didn't see this yesterday:( would have responded right away had I seen it. You are always welcome to write me or text or call if you want. Just ask if you want to and I will give you my details.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Brighty on Nov 3, 2018 9:00 am

myworstnightmare‍ thank you.   I calmed myself down by cleaning tbe apartment.   I will private message you later.   Thank you so much!!!
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Nov 3, 2018 11:20 am

@Brighty - I’m sorry to hear that you got “caught up” last night.

I hope you’re doing better today (and enjoying your clean apartment!)

What happened to you last night was quite normal — I was talking with a lady the other day about  one of my spinning wheels and was telling her about something my Mom said one day when I was using that wheel, and I suddenly choked right up. The thought caught me right out of the blue, and I had to get away as soon as I could and catch my breath. This kind of thing will happen to you, as it did last night.

I think you handled it well, but you could also e-mail or text any of us here on your “peeps” list.

(For those of you who are new, my Mom passed away about 15 months ago from heart failure.)
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 3, 2018 1:00 pm

Yes, house cleaning is a "therapy" for frustration:) at least it gets you feeling better because everything is sparkly and at least the surrounding are clean even if the internals are not so much:(
keep up the good work and do pm me whenever you like xo

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Brighty on Nov 3, 2018 4:17 pm

Cynthia Macmyworstnightmare‍  thank u out both so much     hope you are ok too cynthia! !!!! I cried so much last night I'm exhausted  today but calmer.     I just wish life would be normal agsin.   Not sure what normal is anymore but I have to figure this out somehow.    
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 4, 2018 6:38 am

My answer is simple - first thing each morning, thang God for everything good in your life, then ask him for the things you want and if you are persistent, your wishes will come true and at the same time you will feel better. Do this twice a day. Morning and night. I am not religious, just spiritual and I find this helpful when I am depressed and can’t cope. Then I go for a long walk in the fresh air and feel a whole lot better. Xo

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Gardenia on Nov 11, 2018 3:14 pm

Hello,
I was a caregiver for family members who had Stage IV cancer! I am, one of them too! Keep fighting, the fight, no matter what! “Keep Going!” Thank You!
”A Strong Mum!”
Gardenia

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Laurineb on Nov 28, 2018 5:18 am

Just passing thru a few months of burnout...realize i've been on 'full alert' for over a year as a caregiver.  Have been going to wellspring and meeting with a social worker.  Have good friends, try and stay active...however it has costs me in terms of work, health, sleep and worry...
not sure if there is a better way as yet...i cant say this is healthy role/ i feel it is 'too much to ask' under these circumstances and there is something 'wrong with the system'...so many times i was asked to watch my partner for 24 hrs - which he always ended up visit to er - for any distressing/immediate  signs after chemo -- im not a nurse, i cant stay awake for 24 hrs straight and find it hard to sleep with one eye open.  This was a lot of pressure to put on my shoulders never mind i've had my own emotions to deal with.
not so big on this role...takes a little more out of someone and the side effects sneaks up...i have become an 'adminiistrator' and have lost the friendship side ...too busy with appointments, dietary changes, driving to appts/ er  and the disappointment of failed treatments with no results
i guess see how tomorrow goes...one day at a time
 

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Brighty on Nov 28, 2018 7:23 am

Laurineb‍  hi! I  remember  those days as a caregiver  only too well and it took 10 years off my life.   You are doing g the right thing by going to wellspring and seeing a social worker.    Do they give you any tips or advice?  I'm also glad you have hood friends to lean on and are stying active.  All very positivethings to do.    It's strange because  I was also asked to watched my fiance over night sometimes and I didn't have the stamina to sray awake that long and fell asleep In the chair.    If they gave nuroses on call.. why do they need us to do that?  They just didn't have enough nurses on duty to be there for all the patients.   In ICU he had a one on one nurse.   Sometimes they still asked me to stay the nigjt.   It took such a toll on me.     Is it possible  for you to hire a private nurse for the night time?   I know  its not cheap but maybe you can talk to some family members and they can either help you out financially to hire a private nurse  or you can all pitch in to do the night shifts?  Take turns?    You must tell your family how this is taking a toll on you.    Your health  is going to suffer to if you continue  lIke this.   I hope you can find a solution  and talk to your social worker  or family members  to make alternative arrangements so you are not struggling so much.   
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 28, 2018 1:48 pm

Laurineb‍ 
Thank you for expressing what many people are feeling. Especially where it feels your role has changed to what you called an administrator. I think that happens to many. I know it did with my relationship with my mom. Every conversation seems to revolve around medical terminology and appointments.
I too am glad you are taking your wellness into account with seeking out help. We can't give what we don't have.
A year is a long time to be doing this day in and day out.  

Take care
Lianne

Re: Let's Discuss...caregiver burnout

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Nov 29, 2018 7:53 am

Hi, Laurineb‍ . Brighty‍ and Lianne_adminCCS‍  are right. Burning this particular candle at both ends is detrimental to you.

I don’t know your situation well - whether you have no family or supports you can lean on even to get away for a nap. I see you have a network of friends and that you are able to get away to meetings with wellspring and a counsellor. That is good!

I don’t think anyone expects even nurses to work 24 hours with no breaks, so such a standard shouldn’t be placed on yourself, either.

The emotional toll on a caregiver is very difficult - you want to be strong for your “patient”, but you’re in it too, and it is affecting you! I remember the day of Dad’s first chemo. As soon as my sister arrived, I shot away to a ladies’ room on a different wing off the hospital and had a mini meltdown. Like you, there are dozens of reasons why I didn’t become a nurse!

One of the ways I’ve stayed sane through this is I’ve leaned a little heavier on my paramedical team - a few years ago, I found a really good registered massage therapist who also does osteopathy. Just saw her yesterday, in fact. An hour with her is expensive, and my health plan doesn’t cover more than 3 treatments a year, but I’ve learned that she is instrumental in helping my body keep its balance — even literally. 

Have you been journaling through this experience? Sometimes writing down the bad - the anger, frustration, and other negative feelings can help you lay them to rest. Alternatively, a gratitude journal might help you through this time. We can journal when we’re doing “passive caregiving.”

No matter how well we manage our time, burnout can still happen. I’m sorry you’re going through it, but I’m heartened to hear you say you’re “just passing through” it. That says to me that you realize that this is temporary, and that’s such a  good sign!

I hope you’re able to get some strategies in place to get you through the next while.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying