Posted by Momordica on Nov 2, 2018 9:17 am
In the end, just Keep Caring for those we love.
Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 2, 2018 11:10 am
Oh yes hun, I have always been so healthy, I eat healthy, don't smoke, don't drink, exercise daily, ran 4 marathons, am a black belt in martial arts, think positive and help others think positive, so this is such a punch in the face (and the gut) when you find out that these things you are doing, trying to help yourself stay healthy, don't really matter, you were chosen to go through this experience whether you like it or not. And this terrible disease got me too:(
You almost think like you are immune to all this, that it only happens to people who harm themselves by not doing the very things that I do, yet all my theory went down the drain.
I have heard this from many people who are frustrated that despite trying to do all the right things, they still got cancer. My feeling is - it is not for naught. You need to be as healthy as possible not only to go through treatments but to be a caregiver. So the lifestyle lays a good foundation for which to navigate the cancer experience.
Thanks for sharing your story and perspective
Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 5:21 pm
I completely understand this and I am not a complainer. It's just hard to face these things sometimes like asking why did it happen to me being so healthy, but I guess I will get my answer one day, maybe soon, or maybe until the day I face the maker. See, I am a tough person who takes everything in stride and deals with the issues I am facing head on. I am very practical, so I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't get angry at God like some people I know, but we are all humans and we do sometimes slip and fall and the choices are only two - either you deal with it and do something about it, or you become bitter and angry and then - guess what? the stress of your emotions overwhelming you - gets you a new cancer, so what's better??
I am happy to share knowledge about any topic that I feel "talks" to me. Not for nothing they call me Dear Abbey:) (well, that's actually my name in English:))
Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 2, 2018 5:32 pm
Not for one second did I think you were complaining though anyone going through this has the right to take a pause to do that. Someone once asked me if I ever said "Why me" - as corny as it sounds I said "Why not me?" . The odds of getting a cancer are pretty high now. All we can do is try to live our best life and if we are dealt that hand, we play it the best we can.
Have a good weekend
Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 2, 2018 10:13 pm
Posted by Brighty on Nov 2, 2018 10:25 pm
Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 3, 2018 7:26 am
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Nov 3, 2018 11:20 am
I hope you’re doing better today (and enjoying your clean apartment!)
What happened to you last night was quite normal — I was talking with a lady the other day about one of my spinning wheels and was telling her about something my Mom said one day when I was using that wheel, and I suddenly choked right up. The thought caught me right out of the blue, and I had to get away as soon as I could and catch my breath. This kind of thing will happen to you, as it did last night.
I think you handled it well, but you could also e-mail or text any of us here on your “peeps” list.
(For those of you who are new, my Mom passed away about 15 months ago from heart failure.)
Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 3, 2018 1:00 pm
keep up the good work and do pm me whenever you like xo
Posted by Brighty on Nov 3, 2018 4:17 pm
Posted by myworstnightmare on Nov 4, 2018 6:38 am
Posted by Laurineb on Nov 28, 2018 5:18 am
not sure if there is a better way as yet...i cant say this is healthy role/ i feel it is 'too much to ask' under these circumstances and there is something 'wrong with the system'...so many times i was asked to watch my partner for 24 hrs - which he always ended up visit to er - for any distressing/immediate signs after chemo -- im not a nurse, i cant stay awake for 24 hrs straight and find it hard to sleep with one eye open. This was a lot of pressure to put on my shoulders never mind i've had my own emotions to deal with.
not so big on this role...takes a little more out of someone and the side effects sneaks up...i have become an 'adminiistrator' and have lost the friendship side ...too busy with appointments, dietary changes, driving to appts/ er and the disappointment of failed treatments with no results
i guess see how tomorrow goes...one day at a time
Posted by Brighty on Nov 28, 2018 7:23 am
Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Nov 28, 2018 1:48 pm
Thank you for expressing what many people are feeling. Especially where it feels your role has changed to what you called an administrator. I think that happens to many. I know it did with my relationship with my mom. Every conversation seems to revolve around medical terminology and appointments.
I too am glad you are taking your wellness into account with seeking out help. We can't give what we don't have.
A year is a long time to be doing this day in and day out.
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Nov 29, 2018 7:53 am
I don’t know your situation well - whether you have no family or supports you can lean on even to get away for a nap. I see you have a network of friends and that you are able to get away to meetings with wellspring and a counsellor. That is good!
I don’t think anyone expects even nurses to work 24 hours with no breaks, so such a standard shouldn’t be placed on yourself, either.
The emotional toll on a caregiver is very difficult - you want to be strong for your “patient”, but you’re in it too, and it is affecting you! I remember the day of Dad’s first chemo. As soon as my sister arrived, I shot away to a ladies’ room on a different wing off the hospital and had a mini meltdown. Like you, there are dozens of reasons why I didn’t become a nurse!
One of the ways I’ve stayed sane through this is I’ve leaned a little heavier on my paramedical team - a few years ago, I found a really good registered massage therapist who also does osteopathy. Just saw her yesterday, in fact. An hour with her is expensive, and my health plan doesn’t cover more than 3 treatments a year, but I’ve learned that she is instrumental in helping my body keep its balance — even literally.
Have you been journaling through this experience? Sometimes writing down the bad - the anger, frustration, and other negative feelings can help you lay them to rest. Alternatively, a gratitude journal might help you through this time. We can journal when we’re doing “passive caregiving.”
No matter how well we manage our time, burnout can still happen. I’m sorry you’re going through it, but I’m heartened to hear you say you’re “just passing through” it. That says to me that you realize that this is temporary, and that’s such a good sign!
I hope you’re able to get some strategies in place to get you through the next while.
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