Posted by highlandlassie on Jan 2, 2018 5:41 am
Posted by ACH2015 on Jan 2, 2018 7:05 am
Is there anyone that help get you and your Mother to the CT appointment his evening?
A neighbor or family member might be the answer here. You need assistance with these appointments, and perhaps from here on in - keeping your Mother mobile.
Can your mother use a walker (a fold up that is light weight and has a seat) to assist her with mobility? Do you have a portable wheel chair (lightweight for carrying and folding into your trunk) to reduce the need for your Mother's walking?
Another suggestion - call your Mothers doctor's office and weigh the pros and cons of tonight's CT scan. Personally, I would get what ever testing completed on schedule to give the medical team the information they need in order to make decisions or monitor a condition.
Make some calls and seek the assistance you need. Family, friends or community based resources. Don't try to do this all by yourself - and don't burn yourself out.
I am sorry this is your situation. When my Father's condition reached a point where nothing further could be done, he remained in hospital until a palliative care bed came up. Perhaps you should look into palliative care options for help with your Mother in your home, or a palliative care facility where your Mother could live.
Look after yourself. Don't do this alone. Don't let yourself burn out.
ACH2015 - Andy.
Posted by highlandlassie on Jan 5, 2018 1:16 pm
Posted by ACH2015 on Jan 5, 2018 3:11 pm
As the power of attorney, as you stated - your Mother has put you in charge her medical care.
You are not being too harsh, or heavy handed in your request for a meeting / mediation to advise your siblings of the current circumstances your Mother is in regarding her health.
If you believe your Mother is not capable of attending a mediation - that too is your call (as her power or attorney) and I strongly recommend you stick to your guns on that one.
I have read your posts, and I too have felt alone, although, I am was not the only child in my Dad's case either. When my Father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer ( Dec. 2016), my brothers were "useless" and I took the lead in his medical care and in arranging his palliative care toward the end of Dad's life. And - I was not his power of attorney - just the one son that felt Dad deserved evey reasonable intervention made available to him - until there was no further intervention.
You are surrounded with family - yet left all alone with the responsibility of caring for your Mother. I am sorry you are in this spot - but commend you for what you are doing. As I did when I had to take charge, I suggest you prepare a brief to read to your siblings. Include reports from your Mother's doctors about her prognosis, recent assessments, and current levels of treatment available including options (if any) that you believe are the best case scenario to put into effect.
Remind your siblings - you are the power of attorney - you are in charge of your Mothers care - in your house. It's not about what they think - they have not been there physically to assist you or your Mother - your Mother has granted and entrusted you with that responsibility.
Lay down you cards and provide details to them about the current situation - and what is to occur according to your best case practices. Because as you said - your Mother has entrusted you with her medical care.
I would also take this as an opportunity to seek what assistane your siblings can offer you in your Mother's care. Appointments, transportation, meals, being there (visiting) with your Mother or anything else you believe would help you and your Moher at this point.
Print this out and read it to them tonight - with your brief.
You are in my thoughts .
ACH2015 - Andy.
Posted by Warriorprincess on Jan 5, 2018 5:06 pm
Posted by Dielle on Jan 5, 2018 6:00 pm
When you meet with your siblings, tell them that you want to make sure your mom gets the best care possible and you know thats their goal too (it also helps if you really believe this and remind yourself of it). ACH2015 had a great idea for preparing a brief of facts; that way you can start off on the same page. Listen to their thoughts. That doesn't mean that you have to agree with them but if you fully hear them out and say "I hear you" or "I understand what you are saying" then go on to explain why you disagree it may be easier for them to take. And maybe you'll even find points you do agree with.
In the end, yes, you can invoke the power of attorney and you should stick to your guns of doing whats best for mom. But if you can get there without having to remind people that you can make these decisions by yourself it would be better for your family.
Of course, I realize that all this is easier said than done, when everybody's emotions will be running high. And the number one priority does remain doing whats right for your mom.
I wish you all the best, highlandlassie. It will be difficult but I know you have the strength to get through it.
Posted by highlandlassie on Jan 10, 2018 5:08 am
Posted by ACH2015 on Jan 10, 2018 7:03 am
I am sorry you have been going through what your siblings have created. We can choose our friends - but not our family. At least your older sister is living up to her previous standards.
You are so right when you say "being the oldest does not make you the smartest - or give you license to berate you - in your own home". I am blessed with one of those myself.
I have found it necessary to sever ties with my siblings recently. They "don't get it" and I can't change that. I have to reduce my stress levels to deal with my cancer, while doing my best for my Mother (Dad died in Dec. 2016 of brain cancer) while I was dealing with Round I of my cancer.
Now into cancer Round II - I'm done with what I cannot change - and don't feel any regrets. I tried and that's it.
I hope you can find some inner peace in knowing you have gone above and beyond in trying to smooth over the waters. You need to look after you to look after your Mother.
I have a bottle of hand sanitizer at my front door. No one comes in without using it, If anyone is "sick" they don't come into my house. Call or text me - I don't need to get sick right now - thanks.
Protect your Mother and yourself - keep sickies out. Its not personal - just good practices.
Keep well - you are in my thoughts.
ACH2015 - Andy.
Posted by Jessyjohn on Mar 5, 2018 1:16 am
Posted by lovenicky on May 7, 2018 5:18 am
Posted by Laurineb on May 24, 2018 11:24 am
Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on May 24, 2018 3:52 pm
Good to hear from you! If only there was a book- but in away that is where discussions like the ones that happen here come in.. so you can hear from others who have been there, learn a bit, share a bit, and keep going.
I'm so glad you have hired some help. You can't do it all alone.
Do you work also?
Keep talking we are listening.
Fingers crossed for you,
Posted by Laurineb on May 24, 2018 5:29 pm
Posted by jorola on May 25, 2018 1:01 am
I wish there was a step by step book and that everything went by the book. Wouldn't it make this whole thing easier? I experienced burn out from trying to keep appts straight, get my husband back and forth to them, keep the house, do all the regular day to day stuff. I just couldn't do it all. We sat down as a family and had to figure something else out. My sons (who were older 16 and 20) totally took over all the house cleaning. They did do a really good job and were willing to learn and try hard too. They also helped with cooking. Simple meals but good enough. We had a real good friend who took my husband once a week to treatment. Even just once a week break made a difference. I saw my dr about the depression I was in. With counseling and medication I got stronger again. In turn I was able to be more focused and stay better on top of appts. My husband did his best to help remind me as well and we tracked everything on a special calender on the fridge. I hope by sharing this you find some of it helpful. Is there anyone else that can help you other than the friend you have hired? I hope things become more manageable for you.
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