Log in or Register to participate in these discussions

Support for Spouses/Partners

Re: Support for Spouses/Partners

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jan 15, 2020 4:20 pm

You certainly have a lot on your plate - any one of things - move, working, small children, can be challenging. Adding a cancer diagnosis on top of them I am sure must feel overwhelming.

I am glad you reached out here.. Finding a way to function day to day may be more challenging in these early days of the diagnosis. You may find you settle in to a routine at some point. That's not to say it will be easier but might be better able to foresee and plan.
You have heard from some excellent members already and I have no doubt you will hear from others that Brighty‍ has tagged.
You will hear also to try to find time for you to get support as well. You are going to likely  need support around you, as well as respite .
Take any offers of help and support. People will want to do something so handing out specific tasks helps you and makes them feel like they are doing something.
We have a group on here called Living with Advance cancer where you may find some useful discussions ( Groups > Living with advance cancer) . As well there is booklet for both you and your husband that lays out some ways to help navigate this. The link is here: http://www.cancer.ca/~/media/cancer.ca/CW/publications/Advanced%20cancer/32043-1-NO.pdf

Continue to reach out. We are listening


Re: Support for Spouses/Partners

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jan 16, 2020 9:04 am

KMitts‍ , I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. I’m a caregiver, too, but for my Dad who has lung cancer.

You mention feeling lonely, so I assume your recent move was away from family, not toward them. I know you’ve got a lot going on, but I encourage you to find something to do - even just one thing - that is yours, and will get you away from “cancer world” for a few hours. It might be a once-a-week book club, or a once-a-month knitting guild, or even a bi-monthly mani-pedi, but I encourage you to find an “island” that you have just for you. 

There is a community services locator, https://csl.cancer.ca/en where you an locate support services in your new home town. Also check with your local cancer society - most have resources like volunteer drivers to take your husband to and from treatment. If that’s not an option, there may be another service with volunteers who can help. 

Please hold out hope. While every case of cancer is different, your husband’s medical team has tools that have improved with time and research. There are thousands of Canadians today living with stage 4 cancers. When my Dad’s metastasis was discovered last summer, I put a lot of plans (travel, home Reno, etc.) on hold. Six months later, we have a “routine” for his oncology and treatment appointments, and I’ve begun to make plans again. Dad’s treatments are working well for him, and I hope that your husband responds even better.

Whenever you can, make memories - Have your daughter’s birthday at her favourite restaurant, go tobogganing on the weekend, play board games. This disease is a reminder to us to seize every day we can. One of my favourite “Dad” memories has been going to Princess Auto to buy ramps for his utility trailer - just the two of us, puttering around a shop. They can all be good!

Welcome to Cancer Connection. As you can see, you’ve got lots of support (and enough ideas to last a while). Pop by whenever you can and let us know how things are going. You are definitely not alone.

PS: if you want to “tag” someone, type the @symbol right before the name, as I have done. After a few characters a drop down will appear on your screen, and you can choose the one you’re seeking.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying