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Crying in my pillow

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to cry quietly and crying in your pillow is so hard, you can’t breathe. My daughter has/had colon cancer that metastasized to her liver. The doctors operatered and removed part of the colon which left her with her bag. She’s young and never expected anything like this and before you know it…well, she is stage 4 now and in her second round of chemo. I need help so bad I don’t know were to start. She’s exhausted all the time, her hair is falling out, her skin is in rough shape. They have her on a patch to control the pain and the nausea is under control with the dreaded Dex.
I would and will do anything for her, but what? She’s pretty much staying with me and I love that, but there has to be something medically I can do as well to help her. Just waiting to see if this round of chemo shrinks these beasts is horrible. There has to be something I can do, right? Please please I beg you, I’m on my knees asking for your help. I’ve heard mud pools in some countries are good, Ive heard some kind of mushrooms are good…where do I go to get help and answers?

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8452 Posts

@Marjorie Rose I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. It's ok to cry into your pillow. It is a way for the body to release your emotions. Its understandable you would want to do everything and anything for your daughter. The helpless feeling….its so heartbreaking watching our loved ones suffer. We all understand here what that feels like. We would take their pain and suffering away if only we could . Emotionally you are doing everything for her just by being there and taking care of her. But you would probably benefit from speaking to the oncology social worker at the cancer center to talk about the anguish you are going through. How is your daughter coping emotionally? Is she talking to anyone? Do either of you have outside support, other family or friends that can help out or get involved? Friends to just visit or cheer you both up, take you out a bit for a break, take a walk with you,serve as a shoulder to cry on etc. Someone to lean on as a support system. Ir someone who can just drop off a meal from time to time to give you break. I know you were asking about medical options. You may want to ask her health care team if she qualifies for any thing like a clinical trial, targeted therapy or immunotherapy. If you need anything else …any information about anything, a good number to call is the cancer information line.. 1888 939 3333. They may be able to help you find answers, or have suggestions on how to cope ,or ,support group information where you can connect with other parents going through something similar. You dont have to be alone with this. We will help you get connected with whatever resources you need to be able to get through this tough time. Please reach out whenever you need. Someone will always answer.

1085 Posts

@Marjorie Rose, I am very sorry for you and your daughter that she has cancer. It is painfully difficult and heartbreaking to see the people we love go through surgeries, treatments, side effects, and all the physical and emotional changes.

I want to direct you to the Canadian Cancer Trials website which may be helpful:

Also, not a medical resource as you requested, but the online groups at Wellspring may be helpful for you and/or your daughter. I have participated in their programs and I highly recommend them. There may be something there that you and/or your daughter may be interested in.

Kind thoughts are with you, @Marjorie Rose. Please reach out to us whenever you want support and someone to listen. We are here for you.

2342 Posts

@Marjorie Rose Hello….I am sorry to hear about your daughter……it is very difficult, on everyone in the family……(I am on the colon cancer journey too; I do understand).

I read every word you shared….(I too cried in my pillow).

Now, it is my turn, to ask “you”….to please reach:

Filomena 1-833-792-2726


She is the president…..(Colo-rectal Cancer Resource Action Network) a Canadian organization….with LOTS of contacts, resources, and more…..info on clinical trials…meds, side effects, diets….support groups 1 sunday aft each month….

Please reach out to her…..she held my hand for 2 years!! and still does!

She will UPLIFT you…..she will try her best, to help your daughter with options….

Call…..trust me…..


2342 Posts

@Marjorie Rose Hello Marjorie…….How are you doing?

How is your daughter doing?

Share as you are comfortable……..



Hi. Happy to report we’re all doing good. She had her surgery a week ago and just came home today. She looks amazing. It was a five and a half hour surgery. The doctor was happy with the surgery. When he called to tell us how the surgery went he was so happy you could feel his happiness through the phone. but the doctor said that once before. So I am a guarded hopeful mom. As for me they found more cancer in the left breast which I knew would happen so that one need to go soon as well. I also just my knee replacement done when my daughter was in the hospital as well. So we both are recovering now. Thank you for your support and I’ll pop in every now and again to say hi.

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