Oh,
scaredysquirrel , phoning you daily wouldn’t have helped with either scenario, I’m afraid. I know it was ultimately your decision, and while I was able to see merits in both returning to work and taking retirement, all I could do was illuminate the good and bad in either case. I think your husband was doing some of that, too, at your end.
These days, my wish for you is to see you become accepting of what is, and to stop kicking yourself for what might have been. From where I sit, you did everything in your power to get back into your former workplace, and it didn’t work out.
What now? Well, how about telling us how your volunteer position went last week, stated in a way that doesn’t mention anger with yourself, or any regret about your past.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying